Published December 31, 2006
Sleeping Fairgrounds
Carousels dream about
Old rocking horses,
Faded wallpaper peels,
And little dolls lying
Forgotten on beds.
Fun mirrors make you
Dance and hop slowly,
Unsure of how to control
The waves and bumps with
Their clumsy, sleepy, fingers.
Ferris wheels doze off
Thinking about little girls
With dripping strawberry ice cream,
Boys with baseball caps, and
Mothers carrying noisy babies.
Old tilt a whirl thinks
Of the sleeping fairgrounds
Under blinking stars
As he whirls slowly
Off to sleep.
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141,440 Literary Works • 674,430 Reviews
Yes, I too like the idea of describing the fair rides as more warn out. WHen I began the poem I expected creepy (because empty fairgrounds are). But I was disappointed to find it was just a description poem.
Do what GR says and you may have a better poem.
Your wording seems a bit off in this stanza. I think you should put the word 'slowly' in front of 'dance and hop' in the second line; it might make it flow better.
To make this stanza more interesting, you could change the word 'with' both times with something like: Holding dripping strawberry ice cream ..., and Boys wearing baseball caps. It just adds a bit more variety to it.
Overall, I did enjoy it; your descriptions are well thought out, and your images are quite interesting as well. My only suggestion to the content is to perhaps elaborate on the idea of the carnival rides feeling tired, worn-out, or lonely, now that all the joyous children are left, and how they wish for the kids to come back. That would add more to the meaning, or purpose, of this piece.
Keep writing!
This was good and very descriptive and really made you think back. Very vintage. Cool.
Anway, I didn't get this part...
Fun mirrors make you
Dance and hop slowly,
Unsure of how to control
The waves and bumps with
Their clumsy, sleepy, fingers.
Fingers?? Mirrors have fingers? Or are you talking about you?
That confused me...